


One Morning At A Funeral Home

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: Prompt: a funeral meet-cute with Remus and Sirius including pissing off family, leather, sneaking off, and OTPs.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 100





	One Morning At A Funeral Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pan_and_ready_to_stan (vaindumbass)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/gifts).



> This is so quirky and fun. Written in mostly one sitting and I haven't edited yet, so forgive any errors! Thanks for the prompt, @pan-and-ready-to-stan!

Remus always felt a little uncomfortable in the stiff starchness of his suit but it was worse today as his most recent growth spurt left far too much skin exposed at the ankles and wrists. Hope had grimaced when she saw but it was too late to do anything about it. There was a high profile funeral happening today and all hands were needed on deck. 

Most days Remus didn't mind living in funeral home or the fact that both of his parents had been involved in the work for his entire life. Their apartment above the parlor was always cozy and warm, full of plants and books and tea. Hope worked to keep that sense of comfort all the way to the floor level where the funerals took place and even down to the basement where the embalmers would work. There were live plants everywhere that Remus tended to (with a highly detailed care chart), luxuriously cushioned furniture including Lyall's latest DIY install of seat heaters in all of the pews. The rooms tended to be cool for the preservation of the bodies but he wanted to keep their living customers comfortable. Art painted by all three of the Lupins decorated the place, giving it a one-of-a-kind personal touch. The Lupins cared about family and they would make your final goodbyes worth remembering.

But most days Remus didn't need to interact with other people. Living in a funeral home with parents who loved to talk about death and bodies and the social impact of funeral rituals and rites didn't exactly endear a kid to other kids. After years of being bullied he was finally allowed to homeschool. When he got responsible enough he was also able to help with the family business by putting together the montage videos and selecting the music and even doing the graphic design work needed for the programs. Vitally important work, but no interaction with the crying people.

Most days, Remus hadn't spent all night in a desperate panic because the printers had botched two sets of programs (the Black family had a very specific color theme they accepted with RGB codes given and everything) or hadn't been doing the gold leafing details _himself_ until the crack of dawn, or even getting dressed in a rarely used suit so that he could fucking _greet_ the mourners, or...

Well, the day already sucked and it was barely 10am. The services started in half an hour and he was already itching to run out of there. This family was a rather strange one. They came from some very old money and carried with them the strangest familial aesthetics he had ever seen in the flesh. They had demanded a live-stream wake yesterday evening because they wanted to have the visiting take place in their manor but didn't want the body to be hanging around. He supposed it was wine and champagne while they all stared at the TV. At least, that's what he thought until they all started showing up in black ornate Victorian-era inspired garb. 

Remus was a child of the internet age. He knew his way around the internet and social media and had seen his fair share of people's love of self-expression. But this aesthetic had always seemed to be limited to an individual or sometimes even a couple. Hipsters liked to congregate, but most other aesthetics didn't seem to make gathering at funerals their thing. Lolita-esque was typically limited to conventions. He stared wide-eyed as a family of seemingly hundreds flocked to the doors from their antique Bentleys, Rolls Royces, and a wide range of limousines all dressed to the nines in petticoats, lace, satin, velvet, and silk. Now the specificity for the programs made a lot more sense. 

And now Remus was wondering if maybe they weren't having wine and champagne last night but rather the blood of virgins. Not a single wrinkle could be spotted on the hordes of people and their pristine pale skin was the stuff of Gothic novels. 

Forcing himself to keep a blank expression as he handed out the pain-in-the-arse programs, Remus did his best to casually observe this strange family. The only thing keeping him from honestly believing that they were a coven of vampires was the fact that there was a dead and embalmed body in the auditorium and that they were all here to say their final goodbyes. Vampires didn't much care about mortals dying. Not that there was a tear to be seen among this crowd either. They all had haughty and aristocratically detached expressions.

At the time drew close for the minister to start his remarks Remus found himself sneakily pulling out his phone and taking some pictures. The security guards that this family had along mostly kept to the outside of the building so he was safe from getting his device confiscated. But seriously, there was nothing like seeing the entire building full of these incredibly weird people. 

His mother caught him in the act and with a disapproving frown sent him to go collect any stragglers from outside and in the foyer so that they could get started. No sooner had he opened the front door than the roaring sound of a motorcycle tore through the whole assembly. Like the elegant teenager he was, Remus nearly jumped out of his skin and yelped before covering his ears. His wide green eyes watched as an obnoxiously large Harley Davidson came rolling into the parking lot, it's noise loud enough to rattle all the windows in the entire facility. Even the cement under his feet seemed to tremble from the sound of that beast of a machine. 

When the rider stepped off his motorcycle, Remus oddly enough felt as if the ground was still swaying under his feet. Tall boy. Long limbs. All black leathers. LEATHERS. An ass he could bounce a quarter off of. Tall. Boy. Then the helmet came off and unleashed a mass of ebony waves that looked far too smooth for having been tucked up under that protective casing and Remus felt his breath catch in his throat. Sharp grey eyes glanced over at him and it felt like what little was still operating in his brain went off on holiday.

Remus had to lean against the door to keep from swooning and made an inelegant choking sound.

Boots, heavy soled boots, marched down the parking lot as the rider gave a cocky salute to one of the security guards before he swept passed Remus and into the funeral home. Remus kept holding the door open, more to gather his wits about himself than to allow anyone else in. He peeked over his shoulder and saw a furious woman clutching at her silk fan and tearing into the tall boy with barely hushed words.

Disgrace. Disrespectful. Arrogant. Useless.

Those were just some of the words this woman was flaying her (assumed) son with but he only cocked his hip and looked down at her in amusement. Another young man, he assumed it was another of her sons, came up and whispered frantically to her. He shot a dirty look towards the tall boy and then escorted the woman back into the auditorium. Tall, dark haired, and handsome just stood in the hall and stared into the room with the rest of his family. 

Shaking some sense into himself, Remus shut the front door and approached the other teen with one of the programs.

"Here's a program," he whispered shakily. The boy quirked an eyebrow at him. "Um, would you like me to escort you to a seat?" There were a few still open and available since they had opened up all the walls and brought in all of the pews.

Mr. Motorcycle snatched a program and flipped through it with a bored expression. Then he snapped it shut and shrugged. "I'm going to need you to show me where I can take a smoke in a minute. I want to see the fucking disaster of a montage first."

"Hey," Remus protested instinctively. "I'm the one who made it!" He'd spent nearly 24 solid hours on the damned thing!

Dark eyebrows waggled and he barked out a laugh far too loud to be appropriate for the situation. The minister stumbled over his words and a good deal of heads turned to glare making Remus want to melt into the floor and making this boy preen. 

"Sorry, mate, didn't mean to insult your skills," he replied far too easily (and loudly). 

"Please just shut up and watch it!" Remus hissed, trying to control the situation before his mother had to come over. 

Those silver eyes glittered with mischief but that delightful mouth mercifully stayed shut as he turned to watch the video. Remus fidgeted with the edge of his suit jacket nervously as he waited for it to come to an end. True, he had put together hundreds of these over the years, but this was the first time someone outside of his family knew that he was the one behind it. What if this guy didn't like it? What if it was a "fucking disaster" just like he said it would be? The lack of sleep and stress from the past several days was catching up to him and Remus didn't know if he was on the edge of tears or not. What a great impression that would make on this guy.

As soon as the video was over and the minister started speaking again, the tall boy tugged on his sleeve. "I need a cig."

"You'll need to come outside," Remus whispered.

The boy shook his head. "No, somewhere else."

Biting his lip, Remus just stared at this entitled prat. Didn't he know that there were rules about this stuff?

"Okay, fine. Follow me."

He led the boy through the back and up to their living quarters. Grasping the tall boy's wrist to hurry him along and make sure he didn't wander, Remus led them both to his bedroom where he could better hide the scent of cigarette smoke. Once in the room he bustled around to tidy it up and cracked open a window. 

"You guys live here?" the other teen asked incredulously.

"Yes we do," Remus snapped back in agitation. He really didn't want to get teased about it right now, not from this guy he was majorly crushing on. 

"Wicked," he replied with a wide grin. No visible fangs but freakishly white and straight teeth. Those long fingers tugged a cigarette from a crushed box before delicately flicking the lighter and alighting the tip. After a couple of puffs he spoke again. "What's your name? Feels kinda weird to be hiding out in some blokes bedroom without knowing his name."

"I'm Remus," he replied with a slight blush. "What's yours?"

"Sirius," he drawled before dragging a tongue along his lower lip. Remus just stared. "Like the star. Canis Major."

"Uh, okay." They sat quietly for a few more minutes, Remus trying not to stare too intently at that beautiful mouth and the things it was doing to that cigarette. "So...how are you related?" He finally forced out. "To the dead guy."

"My grandfather," Sirius replied after he finished another round of loud barking laughter. "Are you usually this blunt with the weeping masses?"

Remus blushed a bit more deeply. "I, er, don't usually work with the clients."

"For good reason," Sirius teased before soothing it with a lascivious wink. "So, besides making the emotional tributes to the deceased what do you do?"

"Um, well." There was no use in trying to come up with lies to make him seem cooler so Remus just went for the truth. "I homeschool and spend a lot of time reading books and writing fanfiction."

"Yeah? What's your current fandoms?"

His jaw felt like it had unhinged and dropped to the floor. "Uh...uh...um, I'm doing some _Silmarillion_ and _The Hobbit_ stuff right now, but I've got a _Vikings_ WIP posted. Like, from the show."

" _Vikings_ is the shit!" Sirius cheered excitedly. "I like _The Last Kingdom_ a bit better now that Ragnar isn't a part of the show anymore."

Remus began prattling excitedly about his favorite shows and Sirius surprised him by being pretty well read and acquainted with a lot of fantasy movies and series. They spent the entire time chatting away about their favorite fanfics before moving on to discussing favorite school subjects. Sirius was a big fan of the mechanics program offered at his school and even managed to convince the professor to create an extra curricular option so that he could continue learning since he had already taken both offered classes. 

The sound of cars starting and people talking broke their conversation and they both peeked out the window to see the family members heading towards their vehicles.

"Ah, sorry," Remus muttered in embarrassment. "I didn't mean to make you miss the whole thing."

Sirius shrugged and tossed his cigarette butt out the window. Remus made a mental note to go find that and throw it away later.

"That was a much more enjoyable use of my time," he replied with a smile that looked a lot softer and more sincere than he had worn before. "I better head out, though. Need to be at the graveside and whatever. Are you coming?"

"Uh, no, sorry. I've got to clean up around here."

Sirius nodded and pulled out his phone. "What's your username? On AO3?"

"Oh, er, I'm really not that good a writer or anything." When Sirius only stared at him with a raised eyebrow he finally relented. "Okay. It's, sweet Merlin, it's WolfyMcWerewolf. You know, because of my name? Remus Lupin?"

"Pfft, that's awesome," Sirius snickered as he typed it into his screen.

Gathering all of his courage Remus asked a final question. "So, uh, what's your OTP?" He was secretly hoping to write something for that pairing and maybe Sirius would like it.

Sirius looked up thoughtfully before grinning down with that familiar sultry grin. "I'd have to say that I've got a brand new one now."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Me and you."

Ten minutes later when Sirius was gone and Remus was putting away the audio and video equipment he was still blushing madly and incapable of speech. A notification trilled on his phone and when he took a peek his face burned even brighter.

**Howling4You subscribed to you.**


End file.
